i have a small world

Chapter 1591 Jealousy is Motivation

Everyone has jealousy, the difference is only in the intensity and the nature of the event in which it occurs.Normal intensity of jealousy will provide positive motivation to our work, life, etc. We will redouble our efforts to surpass the person we are jealous of and get rid of this inferiority emotion; however, excessive jealousy will Affecting our normal behavior will make us more sensitive, low self-esteem, self-defense mechanism, and mood swings will become larger than before.

Jealousy, in a sense, is a universal human emotion.Modern society is a society that advocates success. However, in the fierce competition, if someone succeeds, someone must fail. The complex emotion composed of shame, anger and resentment produced after failure is jealousy.

Jealousy has a positive meaning, but more often it shows a negative meaning.Jealousy often leads to negative behaviors such as slandering others and slandering others.

Jealousy is often associated with narrow-mindedness and lack of cultivation.A narrow-minded person will have a big psychology because of some trivial things, and any aspect of others who is better than him becomes the cause of his jealousy.Undisciplined people can wreak havoc on relationships by turning decision-making into passive jealousy.

Jealousy can cause endocrine disorders, decreased activity of digestive glands, gastrointestinal dysfunction, nighttime insomnia, elevated blood pressure, eccentric temper, suspicious personality, depressed mood, etc.Over time, physical and mental diseases such as high blood pressure, coronary heart disease, neurasthenia, depression, gastric and duodenal ulcers will follow the envious person.

It can be seen that jealousy not only tortures the spirit, but also destroys the body.

Some people compare jealousy to a "double-edged sword".Hurt yourself and hurt others.So.How should a person with a strong jealousy get rid of this bad emotion?

First, know yourself correctly.To accurately understand your own strengths, don't belittle yourself.What is more important is to constantly analyze and reflect on one's own behavior and psychological activities, to find out whether one's evaluation of others or something is unfair or not objective, and when faced with someone or something, the state of one's mood and behavior Whether the starting point is rational and so on.

Second, reduce vanity.Vanity is a distorted sense of self-esteem.Pride seeks real honor, while vanity seeks false honor.For jealousy, it is also a manifestation of vanity and emptiness to save face and to demean others to elevate oneself.Simple vanity is easier to overcome than jealousy, but the two are closely related in terms of the mechanism of formation.Therefore, to overcome a vanity will reduce a point of jealousy.

Third, don't be self-centered.People with jealousy tend to be self-centered and unwilling to be inferior to others.Do not regard other people's achievements as contributions to the construction of social groups, but first as a threat to yourself.Only by jumping out of the circle of self-centeredness can we get rid of pain.

Fourth, learn to accept and understand others.Confucius said: "When three of us walk together, there must be my teacher."This is to exhort people to be modest and prudent, to be good at discovering the advantages of others, and to learn from others, and to do so must first accept others.To be pleasing to others requires an objective, impartial vision and the principles of being kind to others.

Fifth, learn to compete fairly.Competition should be a motivating process, not a goal.

If competition is regarded as an end, it will make people pay too much attention to results.It is easy to cause unscrupulous and unruly actions.You must understand that there are always winners and losers in any competition. Don't focus on winning or losing, but pay attention to the process of competition.Find out why you lose or win, experience the fun of competition, and form a healthy psychology.

Jealousy is in relationships.Negative emotional experiences such as displeasure, self-ashamedness, resentment, and anger when you find yourself inferior to others in terms of talent, reputation, status, or circumstances.

It usually manifests as dissatisfaction with other people's strengths and achievements; seeing others stand out and not being reconciled, they always hope that others are almost the same as themselves or lag behind themselves.There is great comfort in seeing others lagging behind.

Envious people often do not have the courage to compete and often do not properly face and resolve their competitive disadvantages.Instead, they take illegal and immoral actions to vent their inner dissatisfaction.

Jealousy is an unhealthy mental state that is very harmful. Once it occurs, the jealous person will lose inner peace and balance. He can't stand seeing others who are better than him. He will get angry and sad when others are praised, and even try to find ways The success of others, the reputation of others, which has a great impact on their own and other people's lives, and makes interpersonal communication unharmonious.

Studies have shown that social jealousy has the following characteristics:

First, latent.On the surface (or even in the heart) the jealous person does not admit that he is jealous about something, and intentionally or unintentionally covers up this jealousy.

Second, equivalence.Jealousy always happens to people who are similar to their own gender, age, culture, status, and position, but their status has changed.College students generally do not feel jealous of teachers, but often feel jealous of their classmates.

Third, behavioral.In social situations, feelings of jealousy often lead to jealous behavior.Such behaviors, such as irony, sarcasm, provocation, slander, slander, etc., are generally destructive to varying degrees, and their destructiveness not only directly harms the envied, but also endangers the envied himself.

Fourth, variability.When the advantage of the envied person turns into a disadvantage, especially when it falls further behind than the envied person, the original feeling of jealousy may mutate into sympathy, pity, and gloating.

Jealousy has an obvious impact on a person's reason. It interferes with a person's normal judgment and thinking, causes a distortion of a person's personality, and makes others unwilling to associate with it. Therefore, one should consciously adjust to jealousy.

Jealousy often arises from two misunderstandings: one is to think that others have achieved results, which means that you have no achievements, and that others have succeeded, which means that you have failed.

The second is to think that the success of others is a threat to oneself and an infringement of one's own interests.

It can be seen that the adjustment to jealousy, first of all.It is necessary to correct the above incorrect ideas.You know, comparing yourself with those around you is an inevitable result of interpersonal communication.It is the human urge to succeed, to be better than others.You should bravely challenge the other party, prove your ability with greater achievements, and establish a harmonious friendship in legitimate competition. ?

Secondly, we must strengthen the concept of morality and the legal system, restrain and overcome our own jealousy, and do not let it develop and cause destructive behavior.

Again, be positive and sublimate, turning your negative jealousy into a positive force.Actively participate in competition and competition, and surpass the opponent through a positive approach to achieve psychological balance.

Also, change the angle of comparison.The envy of others is often caused by being too concerned about the other party's advantages in a certain aspect. If you change the angle of comparison, compare your own strengths with the other party's, or compare yourself with someone who is worse, then the unbalanced The mind will gain a new balance.

Since jealousy is a morbid psychology that harms others and self, and seriously affects one's physical and mental health, how to overcome it?

1. Recognize the dangers of jealousy

as mentioned earlier.The harm of jealousy is that it hurts others, and it also hurts and delays oneself.People who are jealous of others are naturally painful. On the one hand, people who are jealous of others affect their physical and mental health, and on the other hand, they are addicted to envy of others all day long.If you don't have enough energy to think about how to improve yourself, you will continue to delay your future, which will do more harm than one stroke.Recognizing these is the first step in getting out of the jealousy trap.

2. Overcome Selfishness

Jealousy is a concrete manifestation of the overexpansion of the "I" position in the personal psychological structure.Always afraid that others are better than yourself.Bad for yourself.Therefore, to eradicate jealousy.First of all, eradicate the "nutrient base" of this mentality-selfishness.Only by getting rid of selfish distractions and broadening one's mind can one treat others correctly.Please accept yourself, as Ji often said, "the heart is selfless and the world is wide."

3. Correct cognition

Evaluate others objectively and fairly, and evaluate yourself objectively and fairly.The success of others does not equal your own failure. "People are valuable with self-knowledge".A strong aggressiveness is a great motivation for people to succeed, but there is only one champion, and the ruler is short and the inch is long. It is impossible for one person to walk ahead of others in everything. If you are eager to win, you will definitely be able to surpass others.As long as a person objectively recognizes his own strengths and weaknesses, realistically measures his talents, and finds a proper position for himself, he can avoid the emergence of jealousy.

4. Heart-to-heart

Comparing one's heart with one's heart is a common saying among the common people, and in psychology it is called "feeling in".When the fire of jealousy is burning, you might as well put yourself in the other person's shoes and ask yourself, "What if I were the other person?" By using the psychological displacement method, you can let yourself experience the other person's emotions, which will help you understand others, and it will help people who are even bad. The spread of psychological state is one of the effective ways to avoid jealous psychological behavior.

5. Improve yourself

The cause of jealousy is that you can't understand others to be better than yourself.If you can concentrate, keep learning and exploring, and continuously improve your knowledge, skills, and physical and mental qualities, then you can also reduce the incentives for jealousy.Moreover, the colorful after-school life slowly fills up one's leisure time, which naturally reduces the chance of "much ado about nothing", which is one of the most fundamental ways to overcome jealousy.

6. Refine the personality factor

Generally, people with strong jealousy are narrow-minded, suspicious, self-abased, introverted, psychologically unbalanced, and have poor personality and psychological qualities.Try to improve your personality factors, improve your psychological quality, and face life with a healthy attitude.

7. Establish the correct sense of competition

Fair, reasonable and basic competition is the driving force for improvement, and competitors can also learn from each other's strengths and make progress together.

As long as you do this, you can overcome jealousy!

In history, there are many historical events caused by jealousy. Judging from the final results of these events, most of them ended in tragedy.

For example, Bai Qi and Fan Ju of Qin State.

In the late Warring States period, Qin general Wu Anjun Baiqi fought in Changping and wiped out 40 Zhao troops, causing panic in the country of Zhao.Bai Qi took advantage of the victories to go down seventeen cities in a row, and approached Handan, the capital of the state of Zhao, and the state of Zhao was about to be broken.

The situation in Zhao State is critical. Su Dai, a guest of Pingyuan Jun, offered advice to King Zhao, willing to take the risk of going to Qin to save the burning eyebrows. King Zhao discussed with his ministers and decided to follow the plan.

Su Dai went to Xianyang to meet Ying Hou Fan Ju with generous gifts, and said to Fan Ju: Wu'an Hou is majestic and majestic in this battle of Changping, and now he is approaching Handan again.He is the number one hero of Qin State in unifying the world.I am worried for you! You are now above him, and I am afraid you will have to be below him in the future.This man is not easy to get along with!

Su Dai is eloquent.After speaking properly, Hou was silent for a long time.Then I asked Su Dai what countermeasures he had.

Su Dai said: Zhao Guo is already very weak, so why not persuade the king of Qin to agree to a peace agreement temporarily, so that you can deprive Lord Wu'an of his military power, and your position will be as stable as Mount Tai.

Fan Ju immediately confronted the King of Qin and said: "The Qin soldiers have worked hard for a long time and need to rest. It is better to order the troops to withdraw temporarily and allow Zhao Guo to cede the land for peace."King Qin really agreed.As a result, Zhao Guo donated six cities.The two countries strike.

Bai Qi was suddenly called a class teacher, feeling unhappy, and later found out that it was Hou Fanju's suggestion, but there was nothing he could do.

Two years later, King Qin sent troops to attack Zhao again. Bai Qi was ill, so he sent Wang Ling to lead an army of [-] troops.

At this time, Zhao Guo had already appointed Lian Po, a veteran general, and the defense was very strict, and the Qin army could not attack for a long time.

King Qin was furious.It was decided to let Bai Qi lead the expedition.

Bai Qi said: Lian Po, the commander-in-chief of the Zhao State, is proficient in strategy, and he is not comparable to Zhao Kuo back then: Besides, the two countries have already negotiated peace.Attacking now will break the trust of the princes.So, send troops this time.I'm afraid it's hard to win.

King Qin sent Fan Ju to mobilize Bai Qi, and the two had deep conflicts.Bai Qi pretended to be sick and refused.

The King of Qin said: "Apart from Bai Qi, is there no general in Qin State?"

So Wang Ling was sent to attack Handan.In the fifth month, the king of Qin ordered Bai Qi to be in command. Bai Qi pretended to be seriously ill and refused to accept it.

The king of Qin was furious, cut off Bai Qi's official position, and drove him out of Xianyang.

At this time, Fan Ju said to the King of Qin: "Bai Qi has resentment in his heart. If he is allowed to go to other countries, it will definitely be the disaster of Qin State."

When the King of Qin heard this, he hurriedly sent someone to give Bai Qi a sword and make him slay himself. It was a pity that Bai Qi, who had made great contributions to the state of Qin, ended up in such an end.

When Bai Qi besieged Handan, there was no fire in Qin State, but Su Dai ignited Fan Ju's jealous fire, creating civil and military turmoil in Qin.

A person will have deep resentment, anxiety and fear for another person who is superior to himself in the same field of competition as himself, and will try to take revenge on that person. This is human jealousy.

In this article, Fan Ju's jealousy towards Bai Qi is the jealousy of those who are superior to him in the same field of competition as himself.Bai Qi and Fan Ju were officials in the same dynasty, and they were a pair of competitors in the officialdom, and Bai Qi's outstanding military exploits posed a great challenge to Fan Ju's status.

Everyone has a mentality of jealousy, which determines that a person will always be self-centered, and often consciously or unconsciously think that he is the most outstanding person and the number one strongman.Of course, this kind of psychology determines that a person will work hard and find ways to surpass others, and does not want to lag behind anyone.

And when someone has used his behavior to prove that he is indeed better than him in his field, this is very capable of hurting his strong jealousy.

The hurt, pain and fear that one person's behavior brings to another person, and everyone's vengeful psychology determines that he will definitely take actions to hurt and retaliate against the other party, unless he restrains himself.

I believe everyone knows the idiom "pleading sin against a thorn", but in essence, pleading guilty against a thorn is actually caused by jealousy!

Heshibi was in the hands of Zhao State. After learning about it, Qin expressed his willingness to exchange [-] cities for it. Zhao sent Lin Xiangru as an envoy to Qin State.Recommended by Miao Xian to King Huiwen, he brought "Heshibi" with him and acted as Zhao envoy to Qin.Lin Xiangru returned to Zhao with his great wisdom and courage, and won a diplomatic victory over Qin.

Later, Qin defeated Zhao and occupied Shicheng.King Zhao Huiwen returned to attack Zhao in 19 years and killed [-] Zhao troops.At this time, the king of Qin wanted to meet with the king of Zhao in Mianchi to make peace, but the king of Zhao was very afraid and did not want to go.

Lian Po and Lin Xiangru discussed that King Zhao should go to show the strength of Zhao State and the courage of King Zhao.

Zhao Wang and Lin Xiangru went, and Lian Po sent them off. When they parted from Zhao Wang, they said: "Your Majesty's trip this time is only for 30 days. If you don't return in 30 days, please make the prince king, so as to cut off Qin's hope of coercing Zhao. .”

Lian Po's general demeanor and careful arrangements strengthened Zhao Wang's demeanor. At the same time, because he dealt with Qin Wang neither humble nor overbearing at the Mianchi meeting, he fought back all kinds of methods used by Qin Wang without showing weakness, which not only restored Zhao's reputation, Moreover, it deterred King Qin and his officials, and finally made King Zhao return safely.

After the meeting, King Zhao "had great merit in Xiangru and worshiped him as Shangqing", and his status was actually higher than that of Lianpo.

Lian Po was dissatisfied with Lin Xiangru's appointment as Shangqing, thinking that as a general of Zhao State, he had the ability to attack cities and wild cities.He has made great achievements in expanding the territory, but Lin Xiangru, who is low in status, only speaks his tongue but is higher than me.It is intolerable.

He openly threatened to humiliate Lin Xiangru in public.He said this: "I am a general of Zhao, and I have made great achievements in siege and field battles. But Lin Xiangru is only working with words and tongues, and he is in the top of me, and Xiangru is a plain slut. I am ashamed and can't bear to be inferior."

The declaration said: "When I see a similarity, I will humiliate it."

After Lin Xiangru knew about it, he didn't want to compete with Lian Po, but took a tolerant attitude.

In order not to make Lian Po rank below him when the court is approaching, every morning court.He always said he was sick.

Sometimes, when Lin Xiangru went out in a car, he saw Lian Po approaching from a distance, so he simply led the car to dodge.

This aroused the dissatisfaction of Lin Xiangru's family. Lin Xiangru explained: "Compared with Lian Po, the king of Qin, who is like a tiger and wolf, dares to scold and humiliate his officials in court. Will I still be afraid of Lian Po? Qiang Qin The reason why I dare not send troops to Zhao is because Lian Po and I are both officials in the court. If we fight, it will be like two tigers hurting each other. There is no reason for both. The reason why I avoid him is nothing more than The country's crisis is placed above personal grievances."

Lian Po listened.Deeply moved, he chose the day when Lin Xiangru had the most guests, carrying thorns on his back.He came to Lin Xiangru's home naked and asked Lin Xiangru to punish him.

Lian Po was very dissatisfied with the fact that Lin Xiangru's status was higher than his own.On the one hand, it is because he has a strong jealousy, and on the other hand, it is because Lin Xiangru is a person who is superior to himself in the same field of competition as him.

Lin Xiangru was not as good as Lian Po from his original status.Later, his status surpassed Lian Po's, which made Lian Po's exclusive jealousy very unbearable, and caused him to develop anxiety reactions caused by hurting his jealousy, such as anxiety, anxiety, pain and other emotions.

Lin Xiangru's excellence brought him hurt and pain, and the revenge mentality of repaying kindness for kindness, and the characteristics of revenge and revenge determine that Lian Po will definitely retaliate.That's why Lian Po said, "When I see Xiangru, I will humiliate him".

On the other hand, we can see that Lian Po will be jealous of Lin Xiangru, who is higher than himself, but not Zhao Wang, who is much higher than himself.Why? Because Lin Xiangru and Lian Po are in the same field of competition, but Lian Po and King Zhao are not in the same field of competition.

Lin Xiangru's way of dealing with Lian Po's jealousy of himself is very wise: he can consider the overall situation, not compete with Lian Po to continue to stimulate Lian Po's strong jealousy, avoid contact with Lian Po, and defuse Lian Po in a curve The jealousy towards himself made Lian Po aware of his mistakes and respect him.

In life, meticulous people often feel that their excellence will attract the envy of others. At this time, it is wise to keep a low profile, tolerate others more, and avoid stimulating others' jealousy.If a person is self-confident and acts in a high-profile manner and feels that he is the best in the world, he may make many people around him feel disgusted and even be attacked by those around him.

There are also Empress Lu and Qi Ji of the Han Dynasty. Because of their jealousy, the two of them staged an extremely tragic harem battle.

Liu Bang, Emperor Gaozu of the Han Dynasty, defeated Xiang Yu and established the Han Dynasty.Liu Bangli's original wife was the queen, Empress Lu; Qi Ji was made a concubine.

According to the ancient etiquette system, the queen's status, rank, and treatment were all higher than those of concubines. Therefore, Empress Lu had no reason to be jealous of Qi Ji, but as soon as the young and beautiful Qi Ji entered the palace, she was favored by Liu Bang. The favored, but old and decrepit Empress Lu was left out in the cold.

Although Empress Lu was hostile to Qi Ji, she had nothing to do with Qi Ji because she was afraid of Liu Bang.

From then on, every time Liu Bang went out, he would let Qi Ji accompany him, so that Empress Lu stayed in Chang'an, and even when discussing matters with ministers, Liu Bang also fell in love with Qi Ji.

Empress Lu stayed alone in the vacant room, and hated Qi Ji even more.Qi Ji is proud of her spring breeze, and she doesn't pay attention to Empress Lu.

After Liu Bang established the Han Dynasty, he originally appointed Liu Ying, who was born of Empress Lu, as the prince, but since Qi Ji entered the palace, Liu Bang loved the house and Wu, and felt that Liu Ruyi, who was born by Qi Ji, was very similar to him, so he abolished the prince Liu Ying. And the idea of ​​making Liu Ruyi the prince.

After Lu Hou knew Liu Bang's idea, she couldn't sleep at night, feeling very uncomfortable.

In the end, Liu Bang died before he could abolish the prince Liu Ying. Logically, Liu Ying, who was born by Empress Lu, became the emperor.Because Liu Ying was only 17 years old and could not handle political affairs in person, the power fell into the hands of Empress Lu.

After Empress Lu took power, she began to take revenge on Qi Ji, who had competed with her for favor.

Empress Lu ordered people to shave Qi Ji's hair, pull out the palace clothes, and put Qi Ji in prisoner's clothes.They rushed to Yongxiang and imprisoned her, and punished her to do hard labor of pounding rice.

Empress Lu felt that she was still angry.So they sent someone to poison Qi Ji's son Liu Ruyi to death.And cut off Qi Ji's hands and feet, gouged out her eyes, deafened her ears, drugged her throat, and threw Qi Ji into the toilet.

Lu Hougui is a queen, and her status, status, rank, and treatment are much higher than Qi Ji, but she is jealous and takes revenge on Qi Ji.Should Qi Ji be jealous and take revenge on Empress Lu?Why does this happen?Could it be that my theory about the psychology of jealousy is wrong?

No, Empress Lu and Qi Ji are two competitors in the same field of competition. Of course, Empress Lu's status, status, rank, treatment and other conditions are much stronger than Qi Ji.But these are not the main areas of competition between them.

Empress Lu and Qi Ji are competing for Liu Bang's love for them. In the field of competing for Liu Bang's favor, Empress Lu is obviously at a disadvantage compared to Qi Ji; Obviously better than, stronger than, and beyond Empress Lu, because she has won Liu Bang's special favor.

In the case of polygamy, it is unavoidable for wives to compete for the husband's favor and jealousy, verbal attacks and even physical fights.Therefore, between multiple wives of a man is often a high-incidence area for jealousy.

Especially when the man holds a lot of wealth and supreme power, the competition between his wives will be much more intense.Because of being favored by her husband.It means getting everything from her husband; losing her husband's exclusive favor means losing everything.

Empress Lu was deeply jealous of Qi Ji, and regarded Qi Ji as a thorn in her side and a thorn in her flesh.Because Qi Ji was favored by Liu Bang, and she had been abandoned by Liu Bang.Qi Ji is the biggest challenger to Empress Lu in terms of interests, and she is almost there.Qi Ji will take Empress Lu and replace her.

The huge threat from Qi Ji is bound to cause great harm to Empress Lu.It aroused Empress Lu's strong revenge on Qi Ji.Empress Lu's strong desire for revenge finally turned into torture, abuse and killing of Qi Ji after she took power.

from these historical stories.We can clearly see the harm and seriousness of jealousy!Therefore, we cannot underestimate jealousy. Once jealousy appears, we must overcome it as soon as possible!

Only when you overcome your jealousy, your future will be bright and your future will be great!

A prime minister can pull a boat in his belly. If a person wants to be successful, he must have a magnanimous heart, but a person with a jealous heart will not have such a magnanimous heart. Therefore, a person with a jealous heart will eventually die. will not be successful!

However, although jealousy has great disadvantages, it does not mean that there are no benefits to jealousy. In fact, there are many benefits to jealousy.

From the perspective of evolutionary psychology, jealousy may arise from two points: one is the need for individuals to maintain and expand their sphere of influence and reproduce, just like the lion king protects his territory and maintains the mating privilege of lionesses; the other is The need for equal distribution of production and living materials. The backward productivity of ancient times requires collective cooperation to obtain production and living materials that are only enough for everyone to use. Only equal distribution can maintain the existence of the collective and society. Therefore, the phenomenon of possible inequality is often not caught by people's instincts. accept.

Where a person is jealous means where his inferiority complex is, where his self-esteem is, and then where his possible goals are, so many "jealousy" as long as they can be correct If you have to lead into hostile goals and directions, or take measures to improve yourself and express yourself because of "jealousy", it will be beneficial to the overall long-term action goal.

At the same time, there are two benefits of jealousy to the healthy development of the group: one is to encourage individuals to instinctively protect their due rights, such as the story of Lin Daiyu jealous of Xue Baochai in "A Dream of Red Mansions", etc.;

The second is that jealousy can supervise the behavior of high-ranking people through the form of democracy, so as to curb their ultra vires behavior, such as the "Watergate Incident" in the United States, the "Clarion-Linton Scandal", and even the "Treasury Island Chen Bian". The revelation of the "flat corruption-corruption" incident also proves the positive impact of jealousy and jealousy on society.

From ancient times to modern times, there are some people who, seeing others succeed, not only do not learn humbly and work hard to make progress, but are jealous of others, wishing for others to be like themselves.No, Zhou Yu in "The Romance of the Three Kingdoms" is such a narrow-minded "hypocrite".

"The Straw Boat Borrowing Arrows" in "The Romance of the Three Kingdoms" shows Zhou Yu's narrow-mindedness: the battle of Chibi is imminent, and Zhou Yu sees that Zhuge Liang is resourceful.It will become a serious problem for the confidant, and he will be jealous of him.They asked him to prepare [-] arrows within three days to deliberately make things difficult for him.

did not expect.Zhuge Liang made a military order with confidence.On the third day, he took advantage of the heavy fog and used scarecrows to arrange suspicious soldiers on the boat and drove to Cao Ying.

Of course Cao Cao was fooled, and "given" more than [-] arrows to Wu Jun in vain.Zhuge Liang successfully thwarted Zhou Yu's plot.

Just like Zhou Yu, why do people feel jealous?Everyone who wants to make progress will naturally have some jealousy in his heart when he sees others succeed.No one is perfect, but as long as we change our minds.Turn jealousy into motivation and strive to improve, and you will naturally become more and more motivated.

Modern society emphasizes competition, coupled with the rise of social media, we can "sneak" into other people's lives all the time.

No one can avoid thinking: "If only I could have such a nice car, live in such a big house, and travel around the world."

We might even be outraged: why do they have so many good things—beauty, status, power, love, my share?

There is a saying in the Analects of Confucius: "A gentleman does not compare himself, and a villain does not compare himself." The occurrence of jealousy is closely related to psychological gap.People often use the phrase "to be mad at others, but to laugh at others" to describe someone who loves jealousy.When there is a gap between reality and ideal, people will compare.There is a serious sense of imbalance in the heart and aversion to others, causing tension in interpersonal relationships.Jealousy is also closely related to character.In general, people with low self-esteem tend to be more jealous, and people with high self-esteem tend to be less jealous.

The core of jealousy is actually a sentence: I am not good enough or I am not as good as others.People are mirrors of each other.In a "good" mirror, one's "not good enough" is reflected, and such pain will directly stimulate the fear of "being abandoned and ignored".

However, jealousy is a normal emotional experience.Contains negative forces (such as hatred, aggression, etc.) and positive forces (such as a strong desire to possess and possess).Jealousy is painful because it takes up most of the emotion with hatred and aggression.If you turn these negative forces into desire and possession.Turn jealousy into motivation.

To overcome your own jealousy, first ask yourself: What am I comparing to?what do i want?What others have is not necessarily what you want. You must learn to accept, respect, appreciate and empathize.

The second is to find the gap and catch up.What a person is jealous of means where his inferiority complex is, where his self-esteem is, and where his pursuit is.

Objectively analyze your own situation, seriously reflect on the advantages of others, what you need to do to reach that level, and focus on enriching your own knowledge and improving your own abilities, rather than pulling people down by jealousy.

Finally, vent your emotions in a proper way, such as talking to family members or friends; dispelling negative emotions through sports, etc., but also to see your own strengths, discover your own potential, and learn to respect and love yourself.

"Envy, can be said to be the most common and deep-rooted emotion of human beings", "Among all the characteristics of ordinary human nature, envy is the most unfortunate emotion." These two sentences are from Russell's "The Road to Happiness" "Jealousy" in the book.

Unlike greed, laziness and other vices that allow the human body to indulge in pleasure, jealousy brings only pain, but we never get tired of it.

From the point of view of personality traits, jealous people tend to be competitive, have poor self-control, narrow-minded, focus on personal gains and losses, and cannot care about others.

Jealousy is an inferior emotion, the enemy of association.It can cause the loss of friendship among relatives, friends, and colleagues, the breakdown of feelings, and the tension of relationships. In severe cases, it can spread rumors and slander, and even lead to behaviors that attack and destroy others. Long-term persistence of jealousy can also cause psychosomatic diseases.

Hei Geer once pointed out that "envy is to punish oneself with other people's achievements".

Have you ever envied others?Have you thought about being someone else?You are peeping and comparing, how can people really live better than yourself?When you find out that the person you once admired actually has the same troubles and sufferings as you, do you want to have fun secretly for a while?Those "people who hate you" can always find reasons to criticize you and even slander you.

They don't want to do what you have done, don't want to make the same sacrifices that you did, and don't want to put in the time and effort to work, they are just jealous of your success, but they will never be bothered to spend time and effort to accomplish their goals .

A person who is immersed in his own life pursuit has no time to take care of other people's trivial matters.As the saying goes, "Much ado about nothing" stems from this.

There is a time to be jealous of others.It just shows that this person has no ideals and no ambitions.I have nothing to do, I can only pick other people's thorns with a magnifying glass.Find other people's shortcomings.

If you succeed, it is like sniffing poppies to numb yourself, hoping to gain a moment of psychological balance.

If you want to go off the beaten path and do something extraordinary, then you need to understand that there will always be people who will be jealous and resentful of your accomplishments.

In fact, others will always be others, and you will always be you, so instead of being envious and jealous of others.It's better to live your true self.

The mentality of comparison is like eating peanuts. Once the taste is chewed, it is difficult to stop. Before you know it, you have caught its way, and your mouth is dry.

Comparison is the core of jealousy, and it is the beginning of the butterfly effect, and there is a subtle connection between the two.If classmate A’s grades in a certain test are very satisfactory, it happens that classmate B at the same table happens to have the grades in Classmate A’s paper, and Classmate B has strong self-esteem, and he is not willing to be better than him.That's when jealousy arises.

If you use it properly, your results will advance by leaps and bounds, but if you use it improperly, it will defeat both sides.In fact, this is very dangerous. It is from such a germ that killing and extorting goods began.

In ancient times, Dongfang Shuo always acted in an unobtrusive and unobtrusive manner.Although it is for the rise and fall of the country, the country, but that kind of self-importance will instantly discredit others, and his colleagues who are officials in the same dynasty will definitely exclude him.Because there are fewer opportunities to lick ass, this is a natural reaction of normal people.

Everyone is responsible for the rise and fall of a country.Although blessings are not shared, this can be attributed to characteristics.

There is another kind of person who can't see the slightest complacency in others.Somewhere inadvertently, it may have angered the darkness that hides jealousy in his heart.Just like Voldemort in Harry Potter, choose one, only respect.

At the beginning of human beings, nature is good, perhaps this can only exist in childhood when there is no conflict of interest.

The most obvious is people who live on the same land and know each other. This kind of people always like to talk to each other, and it is inevitable that they will compare each other.

For example, if someone's child is admitted to a certain famous university, even if their family can't afford the tuition fees, they are happy to talk to everyone, can't sleep for three days, and never care whether their own words hit other people's weaknesses.

In fact, they don't even know what major their children are studying, and they don't care whether the major of the school they are going to is strong or not. Even if they go to Harvard to study Chinese, they feel that they have face.After graduation, it is certain that there will be some earth-shattering deeds, and it is only natural to make a scene in the Heavenly Palace.

Another example is when someone's child gets married, and the daughter-in-law looks more handsome than Yang Yuhuan, even though he has never seen Yang Yuhuan.This kind of people always hope to be praised by others, even if it is hypocritical, they seem to think that as long as they like it, even if others don't like it, they should pinch their noses and smell it a few times.

This is the initial reason why there are enemies, probably because of the unbalanced mentality and the incompatibility of the smell, they pinch each other.Perhaps this is also a good side. It has set up an invisible barrier in front of everyone to prevent those opportunists from not having a calm mind.

Jealousy is undoubtedly the most direct driving force that forces a person to move towards his long-awaited life goal. Under the continuous self-stimulation of other people's material or non-material, he constantly urges himself who is inherently lazy to move forward slowly, even if it is just to complete the goal. A third of yesterday's goal.

Many successful and non-successful people have encountered more or less fierce or cruel complex pressure from the outside world, psychological or physical stimulation.These will make his unbalanced heart even more turbulent. On the winding and complicated road, he bears the pain that others can't bear, and walks step by step towards his own life path, even if he is always laughed at and fooled.

Goals that don't get ridiculed don't warrant any persistence.

Each of us has jealousy, but the strength is different, and the most likely to cause us to be jealous is often those familiar friends and relatives around us. We often cannot accept their seemingly overnight changes. We who are under the control of our emotions are the easiest to make mistakes.

Sometimes it brings irreparable harm to others, and at the same time deeply hurts ourselves, because jealousy is actually a double-edged sword. When we stab others, we also indirectly stab ourselves.As deeply as we stab, we hurt ourselves as deeply.

In the face of jealousy, most people can recognize its harmfulness, but very few can control themselves. They are often struggling with the double distress of knowing that they can’t do it, and we must innovate at this time Thinking, so that we can get out of the sea of ​​suffering early.

All human actions are driven by interests.What causes us to be jealous is because other people's status is higher than ours, and there is a distance difference.

In fact, jealousy cannot shorten any distance between us and others. Even if we have the ability to pull others down from a high position, while pulling him down, we will also go down from our current position until we maintain our original position. There is a difference in distance before it can stop.

In the whole operation, we didn't gain any benefits at all, and we dragged ourselves into a worse environment, and others who should be superior were still above us.

There is another consequence, that is, in the whole operation, not only did we not pull the opponent down, but we lifted the opponent higher and lowered ourselves.

Now that we are so jealous of each other, we should stop building blocks for him. Therefore, in the face of jealousy, we can only find the reason for the gap in ourselves, and then use our own efforts to catch up and surpass them. This is the only way to face jealousy to our own benefit.

Jealousy is not completely bad, we are not saints, everyone will be jealous, as long as the jealousy is not malicious to attack others, and we know it is bad and cannot avoid it, then simply accept our own jealousy and let jealousy become our own. Momentum is good.

As long as you don’t get overwhelmed by jealousy, when that feeling of unwillingness comes to your heart, in addition to comparing the contributions you can see, you should also think about the efforts that others may have made for those factors that are superior to yours.

I believe that a person with normal values ​​will not be led to a dead end by those uncontrollable jealousy, but will instead rely on that disdain and jealousy to make more efforts to reach the target height.

God will not love the wrong person, he prefers those who work harder. (To be continued..)

ps: Note: Thank you Technology Lu and Godman for your support of two monthly tickets, thank you!

Thanks!Thank you Zhixiu for your great reward and support, thank you!